Radblog - Top 10 animals that mock you for sucking at video games
Spurred on by a comments thread on my Neocities profile following my Putty review, let's list some times that animals have mocked you in video games. A couple of rules here; only one entry per series, and additionally, the mocking character in question must be a real world animal as opposed to a fantasy creature. So Daxter from Jak & Daxter is disqualified. The games here are ordered by release date as opposed to any kind of order of what the “best” insulting animal is.
Duck Hunt Dog - Duck Hunt, 1984
What do you want me to say? It's a dog that laughs at you because you suck at murdering ducks. Everyone has memed this dog to hell and back. I don't think I can add anything more.
Dweezil the Cat - Putty, 1992
“Too bad, juuust missed it! Ahahahahaha!”
Dweezil absolutely deserves a spot on this list for the absurd reason he mocks you; because you don't eat babies fast enough. Some enemies in Putty drop a baby when punched, and you can then eat that baby to regain health. If you take too long however, the baby explodes, followed by Dweezil bursting through the screen to point and laugh at you. Absolute gold.
Bubsy Bobcat - Bubsy in Claws Encounters of the Third Kind, 1993
“Woah, are you still playing this thing?”
I don't particularly feel good about trash talking Bubsy. The bobcat gets enough of that already. With that said, I have tried and failed multiple times to beat Bubsy 1, and always end up game overing once I reach the final level, Farewell to Woolies. It's hard to feel much drive to keep playing after failing there, owing to Bubsy mocking you for even playing the game for this long. What elevates this to “mocking you for sucking at video games” is the fact that he repeats this line every time you lose a life and have to start over from the last checkpoint on the final level as well. Fine Bubsy, you don't want me to play your game? I'll stop playing your game.
Sam - Sam & Max Hit the Road, 1993
“Read my lips; I. Can't. Pick. That. Up!”
Trying to pick up an object that you are physically incapable of picking up in Sam & Max Hit The Road prompts Sam to say he can't pick that up. So far, so normal. If you keep trying to pick up that same object however, Sam will get more and more irritated with you, calling you dense, and then eventually turning to face the camera and say directly to you, punctuated for emphasis, that he Can't. Pick. That. Up. Keep at it long enough, and eventually he'll give up and start whimpering like a dog. Don't worry Sam, Max has got your back. As soon as he stops being amused by your pathetic whining.
Falco Lombardi - Star Fox 64, 1997
“Hey Einstein! I'm on your side!”
Honestly, Falco doesn't care if you suck at video games or are good at video games. He just hates you and wants to take any opportunity he can get to insult you. Even if you save his life, he sarcastically remarks “Gee, I've been saved by Fox. How swell!” When you start shooting him and getting in his way however, he'll be immediately jumping on the opportunity to mock your awful aim.
Snakes - Slithereens, 1998
Slithereens is a weird ass, vaguely sexually charged game on Mac OS where you play as a snake with a seductive, baritone voice that vores other snakes and keeps making double entendre quips like “my snake’s bigger than yours” the entire time. Eventually, your cannibalistic rampage will come to an end, and unlike you did to your countless victims, the snakes that did you in are still polite enough to give your serial killer snake a proper burial. Shame about what they engraved on the tombstone, however.
Specter - Ape Escape, 1999
“I guess that's the best a human can do!”
Given Specter’s ultimate goal of rewriting history to have monkeys as the dominant species, Specter is more than happy to spend the entire game letting you know about humankind’s inferiority to their monkey overlords. Furthermore, he’s not above throwing such anti-humanity slander at a child with a toy lightsaber and a butterfly net even when he is laying unconscious on the ground from the beating he just gave him. Specter’s such a bastard, I love him.
Mosquito Guard - Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus, 2002
Any time you get hit by an enemy in Sly 1, they always follow that attack up by doing a gloating animation. I nearly chose the guard dogs from Mesa City for this list, due to their genuinely funny animation of getting up on their hind legs and bowing like they got thrown a rose in a theatre play. In the end though, I had to go with the giant mosquitoes from Haiti. The mosquitos do what mosquitoes do best; suck your blood. When they actually manage to suck Sly dry however, they immediately disrespectfully spit all of his blood out in disgust. Not only are you dying of blood loss, but the last thing you see confirms that your blood doesn't even taste good and is completely wasted. Absolutely brutal.
Monty and friends - Burning Monkey Solitaire, 2005
”You’re so ugly I bet your pillow cries at night.”
Burning Monkey Solitaire is a real game that in fact does include both burning monkeys and solitaire card games. One of the games included in the collection is 52 Card Put Down, where you put cards down on the game board, and every time you do so one of the monkeys watching you play the game calls you a dumbass idiot thot. They've got a lot of material to let you know about humankind’s inferiority to their monkey overlords. I'm getting deja vu. If that starts to get to you, you can instead play 52 Card Pick Up, where the monkeys instead throw sexually charged pickup lines at you every time you pick up a card. I could only find one video on Youtube covering 52 Card Put Down and the person playing it skipped all of the insults. Oh well.
Rumor Honeybottoms - Cuphead, 2017
“Dominate and bombinate -- that's how I bee!”
Much like Sly Cooper, every enemy in Cuphead will mock you when they kill you, with unique lines depending on what phase they're in when you bite the dust. Cuphead also has a lot of animal bosses, such as Ribby and Croak the frogs, Wally Warble the bird and Werner Werman the German rat, the latter of whom I nearly picked solely because he says all of his lines in a German accent. I went with Rumor Honeybottoms however, simply because her bee puns are awful and I can't think of anything more insulting than Bee Movie tier comedy.
Well, there’s the top 10, by which I mean the first 10 that came to mind. Let me know what examples I missed. If there’s enough, maybe I could even do a part 2 and completely run this idea down into the ground.
Page written by MSX_POCKY, 29th December 2025
